You may have noticed that one of the things we are most loud and proud about at the A$$piration Project is that we are explicitly social media-free. What does this mean? It means we don’t think social media is healthy or helpful. This is why we don’t have a social media presence, and we encourage people to spend as little time on these platforms as possible. Being social media-free makes it harder to grow the A$$piration Project community quickly, and means we will never go viral, but it’s something we really believe in. I want to take some time to explore the “why” behind our social-free media stance.

The mission of the A$$piration Project is to take back what it means to be aspirational, to help women tune out all the noise dictating what they should want, and instead tune into their own unique ambitions and the liberating awareness that there is no one-size fits all. Social media represents the exact opposite of this mission. 

The problem with social media is not just that it’s full of messaging about what we should want, how we should act, and who we should be. Those messages are everywhere in our society, and getting off social media only does so much to reduce the noise. The real problem is that social media is also a comparison machine, implicitly encouraging people to weigh their lives, bodies, possessions, relationships, careers, social status and happiness against the highly curated, heavily filtered offerings of other people. 

There’s been growing concern about the negative impact social media has on young people, and this concern is well founded. These negative effects include compulsive engagement with social media content (otherwise known as social media addiction), sleep deprivation caused by late night scrolling, social isolation from lack of IRL social connection, and serious declines in mental health. Aspirational content pushed by social media algorithms plays a substantial role in creating these problems. Constant exposure to this type of content can cause lowered self esteem, increased anxiety and depression, body dysmorphia, and even lead to acts of self harm and suicide.

When you look at the amount of harm social media inflicts on young people, it’s a no-brainer that action is finally being taken to protect kids. Social media is both very addictive and very toxic, and for this reason kids need to be protected from it. But here’s the thing: when I look at the list of negative effects social media has on kids, I can’t help but notice it has the same effect on adults. 

There seem to be two accepted realities about social media, and they are in conflict with each other. The first is that social media makes us feel anxious, depressed, and insecure. From my experience, this is true. The second is that social media is an inescapable part of life and necessary to stay informed, engaged in community and connected with friends. I can say from experience that this is not the case.

I had the privilege (sarcasm) of coming to the realization that social media is not good for me very early in the evolution of these platforms. Facebook became a thing in my late twenties, at a time when I was really struggling. I was a single mother in law school, scraping by financially and with very little time to myself. There was not an ounce of leisure, fun or glamour in my life. All of my high school and university friends (the extent of my social media network in those days) were living their best care-free, child-free, career-building lives. Fast forward a couple of years and my life was somehow even worse. I had managed to get a coveted job at a national law firm, and as a result I was working 60-80 hour weeks. I was in deep debt from student loans and the economic reality of low junior lawyer wages and the high cost of childcare. I was so busy juggling work and solo parenting that the only time I had to myself was on the bus ride to and from my office. For a while, I used these bus rides to look at Facebook, and its early stage feed. That feed was serving me the vacations, parties, engagements and weddings of people I didn’t even have regular contact with anymore. And it only amplified how shitty I felt about my situation. 

I knew enough to understand that seeing the best parts of the lives of people I had known 10 years previous was not doing anything to make my situation any better, and was probably making things worse from a mental health perspective. So I did the only thing I had the power to do: I stopped looking at facebook. Life was still crushingly hard, but not having to compare it to something better on every bus ride really did help. It actually helped so much that I never once felt like I wanted or needed to go back to facebook or engage with the social media platforms that have popped up since then. Do I miss out on updates and information? Definitely. Does that impact my life in any meaningful way? Nope. The truth is, the people who care about us will make sure we are in the loop about the information we need, whether it’s an invitation to a social event, a saucy food porn pic (my personal favourite) or a good bit of gossip. And for all the other stuff I miss out on, I don’t know I missed out on it. Ignorance really is bliss.

If you’re curious to find out if a life without social media is really a form of social death, try it out. Unlike real death, you can always come back. Delete the apps (you don’t have to go as far as deleting your accounts until you’re ready) and see how you feel. You may feel a bit bored, itchy or uncomfortable at first, especially if you are used to checking social media in every spare moment. But notice if you feel anything else. Do you feel a bit more space? Do you feel a little bit happier with your life or your body? Do you feel less anxious? Are you sleeping better? Do you find yourself engaging more with people you know IRL? Let me know in the comments!

There are a lot of well meaning people who believe strongly in the A$$piration Project mission, who say things like “if social media is negative, wouldn’t it be better to bring some positive content to it and try to change these platforms for the better?” To me, this is like bringing a delightful picnic lunch to a toxic waste dump. You can bring all the fun snacks and pretty tablecloths you want but the place is still poisonous, by design. The algorithms social media companies use are designed to surface content that makes us feel bad, because that’s what drives us to continue engaging with their platforms. It’s a nasty business model, and no place for something as delightful as a picnic. 

So how will the A$$piration Project community grow without social media? Slowly. The A$$piration Project is a grassroots movement and our goal is to grow by word of mouth, one conversation at a time. We believe strongly in the power of trusted recommendations and sharing with like-minded friends. On that note, if there is anyone in your life who might relate to this blog post or the A$$piration Project, please do share! Thanks for being part of the conversation.